Yes, I am alive. For those who have wondered why I haven’t been in regular communication as of late, it’s mainly because of my intensive Chinese studies. It has sucked me into a clockwork like daily routine. In Chinese there is a saying 身不由己 (shenbuyouji) which means like you have no control over yourself. Essentially you are doing things because you have to or that it’s become ingrained as your routine. My life, especially since my Fall break has become like that. I have been living a cloistered existence. Each weekday I’m either in class or studying in a coffee shop or our dorm group space studying with breaks for eating, rest and exercise sprinkled throughout. On weekends I usually participate in the outings organized by our language program, CET, which take us to different sites in Harbin like the Harbin Jewish history museum (which was super interesting) and go on excursions to nearby bars with classmates. But besides those diversions, my life largely revolves around Chinese studies.
I don’t regret having such a life in Harbin. The weather has been frigid (mostly 20 degrees or colder) and snowy as of late (since mid-November) and before then we had a bout of god awful pollution (like 9 times the “normal” or “healthy” level of air pollution). Those kind of conditions don’t really make you want to go outside. Though I have a filtered mask for the pollution, when the air quality was at its worst, it didn’t feel like the mask made a difference. Smog cloaked the sky and the air wreaked of smoke. Being outside felt like I was walking through the aftermath of an enormous bonfire. But more importantly, I’m being supported by the government for my Chinese studies and it’s crucial for my future research work in Kunming and, hopefully, will be helpful for whatever job I get in the future. I may never have this chance again so I want to make the most out of it.
But I am starting to feel worn out. My “groundhog day”-esque existence of study and class has become tiresome especially the daily routine of learning new vocabulary and preparing oral reports and presentations. The intensive language learning process is an endless cycle of simultaneously advancing and being rebuffed; your vocabulary, language structure and fluency improve but as you progress you also find new ways in which your language skills are inadequate (like topics you can’t express yourself well in) and face regular correction from the teacher. Like a boxer you jab and throw punches at your opponent laying some good hits, but you also get battered and bruised. You feel good about your progress but frustrated by your continual limitations. In the end, you mainly feel weary and burned out. The fall break came at the perfect time and I felt refreshed to continue my studies after that but since then, my energy has lagged again.
The regular weariness has a negative impact on my Mandarin. I find that it causes my oral Chinese to come out awkwardly/incorrectly at times and, as of late, I’m less able to concentrate when listening to others causing me to miss certain details.
Luckily, next week we have our final exams and next Sunday, 13th, I will be leaving for Kunming! It will be nice going from the "ice city" of China to the "spring city." I also need a mental break and extricate myself from the intensive study routine.
I’m not really sure what lays ahead for me in Kunming. Obviously I have a research plan and an advisor to help me but I have never done anything like this before. It’s really unchartered territory for me which can make me somewhat anxious. But like anything else, I just have to take it one step at a time.
All in all, I would say I have benefited greatly from my intensive Chinese studies. Despite the weariness my linguistic breakthroughs at times have simultaneously been startling and exciting. No doubt I have made great strides especially towards using Mandarin on a more professional level but I am more than ready for a break and to move on. As a linguistic dress-rehearsal for my Fulbright research fieldwork, CET-Harbin has largely served its purpose. Despite the lingering uncertainties, I’m ready for the challenge of conducting research fieldwork in Kunming.
I don’t regret having such a life in Harbin. The weather has been frigid (mostly 20 degrees or colder) and snowy as of late (since mid-November) and before then we had a bout of god awful pollution (like 9 times the “normal” or “healthy” level of air pollution). Those kind of conditions don’t really make you want to go outside. Though I have a filtered mask for the pollution, when the air quality was at its worst, it didn’t feel like the mask made a difference. Smog cloaked the sky and the air wreaked of smoke. Being outside felt like I was walking through the aftermath of an enormous bonfire. But more importantly, I’m being supported by the government for my Chinese studies and it’s crucial for my future research work in Kunming and, hopefully, will be helpful for whatever job I get in the future. I may never have this chance again so I want to make the most out of it.
But I am starting to feel worn out. My “groundhog day”-esque existence of study and class has become tiresome especially the daily routine of learning new vocabulary and preparing oral reports and presentations. The intensive language learning process is an endless cycle of simultaneously advancing and being rebuffed; your vocabulary, language structure and fluency improve but as you progress you also find new ways in which your language skills are inadequate (like topics you can’t express yourself well in) and face regular correction from the teacher. Like a boxer you jab and throw punches at your opponent laying some good hits, but you also get battered and bruised. You feel good about your progress but frustrated by your continual limitations. In the end, you mainly feel weary and burned out. The fall break came at the perfect time and I felt refreshed to continue my studies after that but since then, my energy has lagged again.
The regular weariness has a negative impact on my Mandarin. I find that it causes my oral Chinese to come out awkwardly/incorrectly at times and, as of late, I’m less able to concentrate when listening to others causing me to miss certain details.
Luckily, next week we have our final exams and next Sunday, 13th, I will be leaving for Kunming! It will be nice going from the "ice city" of China to the "spring city." I also need a mental break and extricate myself from the intensive study routine.
I’m not really sure what lays ahead for me in Kunming. Obviously I have a research plan and an advisor to help me but I have never done anything like this before. It’s really unchartered territory for me which can make me somewhat anxious. But like anything else, I just have to take it one step at a time.
All in all, I would say I have benefited greatly from my intensive Chinese studies. Despite the weariness my linguistic breakthroughs at times have simultaneously been startling and exciting. No doubt I have made great strides especially towards using Mandarin on a more professional level but I am more than ready for a break and to move on. As a linguistic dress-rehearsal for my Fulbright research fieldwork, CET-Harbin has largely served its purpose. Despite the lingering uncertainties, I’m ready for the challenge of conducting research fieldwork in Kunming.